I wasn’t expecting it. Princessa and Bubbles brought me along to an early Christmas gathering. It’s a Christian sort of gathering.
At first I was joking that I might burn into ashes since I haven’t been to confession or Church even-for a very long time. But when the program started, and they started talking about the real essence of Christmas, I felt melancholic.
When they started singing Christmas carols (with me singing along with the choir) that’s when my eyes got watery and hot. I realized I was starting to cry. I’m not the type of person that would show weakness in front of people so I bit on my inner lip so hard just to stop myself from really crying right then and there.
After the program, I detached myself from the group and went to the parking lot to cry by myself.
Then why am I posting this in the internet? Two reasons (which are also the same reasons why I wept). I want to declare my faith, and announce to the whole world how much I love my family.
I’ll discuss my faith first. I have said it before and I’m saying it again. I am a very faithful person, although I’m not a religious one. I believe in God… in a higher being. An omnipotent and omniscient being that is beyond my comprehension.
I feel like I haven’t been a good daughter, sister and friend for a very long time and I feel ashamed of it. I am an abomination to His creation, and I need not say more.
Now my family. Since I was a kid I knew I have the perfect family. My parents raised us in a home full of love and respect.
My brothers and I grew up in the province. I remember whenever there will be blackouts in our place, all of us would stay together in our living room. Father and mother would be telling us stories about their lives when they were young, and about our grandfather and our uncles and aunties.
We would also be talking about what’s happening with our lives, our studies and our aspirations and plans for the future.
Now my brothers are all married and living separately. But we are still very close. There will always be family gatherings and we would still be sitting down together and updating the rest of the family on each other’s lives.
Christmas and New Year would be a highlight of our year. As early as October, we would start to plan on how to spend these two holidays. The decision would be very diplomatic. My brothers and I will vote on it. The choices would normally be either to go back to our province or spend the holidays in the City.
If for some reason, one of us will not be able to go back to the province (that means no choice for that particular sibling) then that means no need to vote on it. We would all be spending Christmas in the City. The goal is for us to be together.
Anyway we celebrate Christmas in a very simple way. All of us would be hanging Christmas stockings on the wall (the moment we find a job after graduation means our right to hang a stocking is forfeited). Now of course only my nieces and nephews have the right to do this.
Christmas morning, we would all go to church together (we will be late, confirmed!). After that, head home to eat the sumptuous feast that my mother prepared with the help of my brothers and my father (I’m the only one in the family who can’t cook).
After that we will then go and visit our relatives. To kiss the hands of our aunties, uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers. And to eat too. So basically it’s a whole day of eating (it would be rude if we don’t eat in every single house we visit). Normally we would finish late in the afternoon.
My brothers would be cooking another set of dish. Something to munch on while drinking. hehe. The ladies (my sister in laws and my mother) would hang out together, talk and munch on something and make sure that the kids are not fighting with each other.
During this time, I would be hanging around the guys (my brothers and my father) while they drink. I would be eating what they’re taking with their drinks. I wouldn’t be drinking though. My father wouldn’t even allow me to drink champagne. I’ll just sit with them and listen to their stories and their jokes.
There will be a little bit of difference every year, but basically this is how we would be spending Christmas every year.
So when I heard the carols, I felt very sad. For the first time in my entire life, I wouldn’t be with my family during this special season. So I cried until my eyes are all red and puffy and there’s no more tears to cry.
The whole time, I was relieving fond memories of my family. I love all of them very much, and all of them love me as much. Although I wouldn’t be able to hug them this year, I will definitely make sure that this is the first and last Christmas that I wouldn’t be spending with them.
I have a beautiful family. For me it’s perfect.
I am blessed. And I am grateful.